


If

by goldieslove



Category: Golden Child (Korea Band)
Genre: Friendship, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 09:08:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15603030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldieslove/pseuds/goldieslove
Summary: If only they're born in different situation and circumstances, their story might have different ending. A story about the friendship of Kim Jibeom and Bong Jaehyun.





	If

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this spontaneously, without preplanned plot. I wanted to make a fluff but as I write, but somehow it turned into a long dramaish cringey angst. I almost gave up writing the last half of this, and had no energy to fix, so the ending feels rushed.
> 
> It'll be a very angsty story and I didn't put any warning to no kill the surprise.

August 2014. Public Library

“Hi, is this seat taken?”

“No.”

“Would you mind if I sit here?”

“Go ahead.”

“Thanks.”

Jibeom was 16 when he met Jaehyun for the first time. He’s the boy with chubby cheeks and jet black hair who sat on the empty seat beside him.

 

September 2014. Public Library

“Can you keep quiet? I’m trying to study here.”

“We’re not even that loud,” Jibeom retorted.

“Well, if you don’t realize it yet, we’re in public library where people try to concentrate, and any kind of noise is disturbing.”

“Then just sit elsewhere. There are so many empty seats over there.”

“I’m not leaving because I don’t do anything wrong. If you and your friend want to chat, you should go out.”

“What-“

“Jibeom.. Let’s just leave.”

It was their second meeting and it didn’t end well at all.

 

November 2014. Public Library

“Achoo!”

"…"

“Ha.. Ha… Hachoo!”

"…"

“Can you keep quiet? I’m trying to study here.”

There was great satisfaction to throw the boy’s words back to his own face. Jibeom tried to keep his serious expression even though he was laughing inside. The boy looked embarrassed and offended at the same time.

“I have to study for exam tomorrow but you’ve been sneezing and blowing your nose for a while, it’s kind of distracting. Ahh, thankfully I bring a mask, I really can’t get sick since I’m in exam period.”

The boy’s face turned scarlet as Jibeom put on a mask. Not even a second, the boy hastily packed his books and left after mumbling a small ‘sorry’

Jibeom grinned behind his mask. Revenge felt so good.

 

December 2014. In Front of Mini Market

Jibeom tightened his jacket and rubbed his hands, trying to erase the coldness. He still had to walk 2 more blocks to reach home. Bad thing was his shoes hated him despite the extra care he gave. Why did the sole suddenly peeled off, he didn’t know. He sat on the bench in front of mini market, tragically looking at his shoes.

“Why are you walking in this cold day Jibeom? Do you want to borrow some money for taxi? I can lend you, but make sure to return it.”

Yoon was sitting inside his fancy car, rolling down the window. Jibeom rolled his eyes. “Go away, Yoon. I don’t want your money.”

“Ohh.. What happened with you shoes?”

Too late to hide it.

“Ah, that’s what happen when you buy cheap things, Jibeom-ah. I can give my old shoes to you if you want. Still in good condition, I never wear it since I have newer ones.”

“Shut up and leave, Yoon!”

“Hey, I’m only trying to be nice here.”

“Hi, Yoon.”

Both heads turned and Jibeom saw the annoying kid from library. He hated that the kid probably heard the conversation he had with Yoon. He hated to show weakness especially from people he disliked.

“Oh, what are you doing here Jaehyun-ah?”

“Just bought some warm chocolate,” The kid lifted up his paper cup.

“Here? Why don’t you buy chocolate drink from cafe in the center? Cheap drink like that.. must be low quality.”

Jibeom badly wanted to punch Yoon’s face. He was quite amazed when the annoying kid whose name apparently Jaehyun, smiled in ease.

“You should try this too, Yoon, it’s nice and cheap. You can try it when you’re running out of money. Remember last time your dad held your pocket money so you borrowed from me?”

Jibeom didn’t realize he laughed with sound until both Yoon and Jaehyun turned their heads to him.

“Fuck you.” Red faced Yoon rolled the car window up and soon the car drove away.

Jibeom snickered until Yoon’s car disappeared from his view.

“How do you know Yoon? You’re from different school.”

“He’s the son of my dad’s friend.”

“Ohh.. By the way, that’s cool. Thanks.”

“I’ve been wanting to do that, so no problem.”

For a while, they’re just grinning to each other, until Jaehyun looked down to his torn shoes.

“Do you need a ride?” Jaehyun gestured to the luxurious car parked not too far from them.

“No, thanks, I’m fine. Thanks again.”

Jibeom turned around and left as fast as he can with his broken shoes. This Jaehyun kid apparently was an okay kid. But he seemed rich, and he’s allergic with rich people.

 

March 2015. Public Library

“Is the seat taken?”

It’s been so long since he saw Jaehyun in library. He waved his hand as a gesture that Jaehyun can sit there.

“Thanks.”

Jibeom only nodded and turned his attention to his book. He had an important exam which he should ace.

“Sorry for last time.”

Jibeom turned his head towards Jaehyun, suddenly felt puzzled.

“What’s that about?”

“As I think about it, I was too rude. You were right, you were not that loud.”

It was then Jibeom understand. “Uhh.. It was like.. a year ago?”

It was kind of funny. Jaehyun was whispering and without he realized it, he’s whispering too.

“It’s six months ago actually,” Jaehyun casually corrected. “Not that I’m counting, but I remember I was studying for a presentation in September.”

Jibeom scoffed. “So, after a long 6 months suddenly you suddenly remember you’re being rude?”

“You were in hurry when we met in front of mini market, and I was sick again when I planned to go here so I just studied at home. And there were a lot of times I couldn’t find you here.”

“You’re looking for me?”

“Hm.”

“You make me feel guilty now.”

Jaehyun tilted his head to the side. “Why?”

“Because I was rude too and I didn’t have plan to apologize,” Jibeom said bluntly.

Jaehyun cupped his mouth tightly with his palm as his body shook from laughter. It took a while until the boy can control his laughter.

“There’s nothing funny.”

“You are funny.”

“Is it an insult?”

“It’s compliment. You are funny. The positive kind of funny.”

Jibeom decided that Jaehyun was a strange kid.

“Thanks for the compliment then.”

“I’m Bong Jaehyun,” The boy offered his hand, which Jibeom hesitantly shook.

“I know.”

“How?”

“That time.. Yoon called your name.”

“Ooh.”

…

“Should you tell me your name in return?”

“Kim Jibeom.”

“That’s a nice name.”

“Why are you suddenly become so nice? It’s weird.”

“What? I can’t be nice?”

“Psttt!”

An annoyed looking student from the opposite table was looking at them disapprovingly.

“Can you keep quiet? I’m trying to study here.”

Jibeom and Jaehyun looked at each other at the familiar words before bursting into laughter.

It was their first time to be scolded by the librarian.

 

May 2015. In Front of Public Library

“Give me your phone number.”

Jibeom stared at the latest model phone blankly.

“Why?”

“.. To contact you?”

“Why do you need to contact me?”

“Why not?”

“…”

“Aish.”

“Hey, what are you doing??” Jibeom shrieked when Jaehyun suddenly groping his pants and pulled out his phone. “What are you going to do with my phone? Give it back!”

Jaehyun typed something and not long, the boy’s phone suddenly rang.

“Done,” Jaehyun gave his phone back, grinning in satisfaction. “I saved my number in your phone, and I have yours too.”

Jibeom accepted his phone and saw Jaehyun’s number on his phone. 

“Shouldn’t you ask me first whether I want to give you my number or not?”

“I asked you but you didn’t answer. And what’s the big deal? People exchange number. You know, we can hang out sometimes. Outside library. I can only see you when we accidentally here.”

“Why?”

Jaehyun made ‘seriously?’ face, but when Jibeom didn’t budge, he sighed.

“I think you’ll be a nice friend. Some of my friends act nice because I’m rich, and some of them are assholes. But you’re not.”

“Oh..wow.. I’m.. flattered.”

“Why did you say that with straight face?”

“I’m busy I don’t have time to hang out.”

“Come on.. School is not that bad.”

“I have part time job.”

“Ohh.”

“Yeah..”

“Do you work during weekend?”

“Yeah.”

“For the whole day?”

Jibeom looked at Jaehyun wearily. “Even my mom doesn’t ask as much as you.”

“How about Sunday night?”

Jibeom gave up. “I work until 2 pm on Sunday.”

Jaehyun’s face brightened. “Awesome!”

“I didn’t say I want to hang out with you.”

“What’s your address? I’ll pick you up or maybe we can hang out in your house? Watch movie? I’ll bring some snacks. Or we can order chicken or pizza.”

Frustrated, Jibeom held Jaehyun’s arms to stop him from rambling.

“Jaehyun. I haven’t said I agree.”

“Come on! What’s your favorite food? I’ll buy!”

Somehow, Jibeom snapped.

“You know, that’s why I hate rich people. Do you think you can bribe me with food? I don’t want to hang out with you! Find your other friends.”

He didn’t see Jaehyun’s crestfallen face as he hastily left without looking back.

 

July 2015. In Front of Public Library

Jibeom felt guilty. He’s been feeling that way since his last encounter with Jaehyun. He had lost control. As he thought about it, Jaehyun did nothing wrong. He’s just persistent. On top of that, Jaehyun was actually not a bad companion. The boy had saved him from Yoon and even apologized over non trivial matter.

But he had his pride.

It was why he ran away in instinct when he saw Jaehyun near the library entrance.

“Jibeom, wait!”

Jaehyun was quite far, so Jibeom was sure he could run away easily. But his legs stopped and he turned around. Maybe..He really should apologize.

Jaehyun panted when he stopped in front of Jibeom. The boy was still trying stabilize his breathing when suddenly he heard Jibeom’s voice.

“Sorry.”

Jaehyun looked surprised. “W-what?

“Let’s hang out when we’re both free.”

Jaehyun was gaping like a fish. Looked like his brain was still processing the situation. Jibeom waved his hand in front of Jaehyun’s face.

“That is if you still want to hang out with me.”

It snapped Jaehyun from his trance. 

“O.. Of course.”

Jibeom saw the smile on Jaehyun’s face and Jibeom thought he had made a right decision.

 

July 2015. Park near Public Library

“So why do you want to study law?”

“…”

“So?”

“I have my personal reason.”

“Oh.. ok.”

“…”

“…”

“How about you?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, why do you want study business?”

The weather was nice. They met at the library and decided to hang out for a while. The conversation somehow turn to what major they’re going to take in university. Jaehyun took a piece of corn chips from the chip bag, and munched it loudly. “It’s my dad’s wish since he’s a businessman and I’m the only son.”

“But you don’t like it?”

“No.”

Another bite of chip.

“Then what do you like?”

Jaehyun glanced briefly to the younger one. “I don’t want to tell you because you also kept secret from me.”

Jibeom looked at him in disbelief. “Are you a kid? Why are you so upset only because of that?”

“I’m not upset,” Jaehyun defended himself. “I just want to keep it for myself too.”

“Suit yourself,” Jibeom rolled his eyes. “Not like I want to know either.”

Jaehyun stuck his tongue childishly. “I don’t want to know your secret too!”

Jibeom scoffed. Suddenly he had an idea. In swift and fast movement, he took the chip bag and ran away.

“Yah! Jibeom!”

Jibeom laughed as he ran. He looked back and saw Jaehyun running after him. His laughter intensified. He’s not the fastest kid in class, but Jaehyun was just a terrible runner. His steps were getting slow when he saw Jaehyun stopped chasing after him. Instead, the boy bent his back and supporting his upper body with hands on his knees. Even from far, Jibeom could see that Jaehyun was panting hard. So not only Jaehyun was a terrible runner, he had terrible stamina too.

Jaehyun staggered. Luckily there was an empty bench beside him. When his leg hit the bench, Jaehyun’s body flopped down on the bench. Jibeom jogged back and approached the panting boy.

“You’re sucks,” Jibeom commented lightly and flopped down to the seat beside Jaehyun.

Jaehyun leaned on his back and clutching his chest. His eyes were shut close and lips pale, suddenly Jibeom felt worried.

“Hey, are you okay? Are you sick or something?”

Jaehyun opened his eyes and glared weakly at Jibeom.

“You’re so annoying,” The boy breathed heavily. “Do you know that?”

“Seriously, you’re so pale.”

“My water bottle..”

Jaehyun gestured to his bag and Jibeom immediately reached over the bag and took a water bottle, which Jaehyun gladly accepted and took big gulps.

“Ahh.. I think I’m going to die,” Jaehyun huffed before he punched Jibeom on his arm. “It’s your fault!”

Sensing that Jaehyun’s breathing had slowly come back to normal, Jibeom felt his body relaxed.

“I didn’t even run fast and far. Even toddlers can run better than you.”

“What did you say?” As if regained new strength, Jaehyun strangled him and they both wrestling with each other until and old lady stopped them.

It was his eighth time meeting Jaehyun and Jibeom thought they can be good friends.

 

August 2015. In Front of X Mini Market

“Oh.. You’re here.”

Jaehyun texted him, asking where he’s doing part time job and what time he’s finished, but he didn’t expect him to come when he finished his shift.

“Yeah. Are you going home now?”

“Hm.”

“… Do you have time for a movie? There’s this movie I want to watch.”

“…”

“It’s okay if you can’t. I’m just trying my luck.”

“Yeah, sorry.. I still have lots of homework. Maybe next time?”

He hated to see Jaehyun pretending to be okay. The boy surely can’t hide his disappointment. 

“That’s fine. I guess I’ll go now. Have to catch the movie.”

“Yeah.”

“Bye.”

Actually, he could watch movie if he wanted too. He had homework, but he’s sure he could handle it even if he went out for 3 more hours. But the sudden request threw him off guard and he didn’t know why he rejected Jaehyun in impulse.

As Jibeom watched Jaehyun walking away, he suddenly felt regret for rejecting the offer.

 

November 2015. In Front of Public Library

“I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yeah.. I was sick.”

Jaehyun indeed looked thinner.

“Oh.. Cold? The weather has started to get cold.”

“Yeah.. Kind of..”

Jaehyun’s answer was vague but Jibeom didn’t press it any further.

“Are you better now?”

Jaehyun sighed. “I’m okay, but I need to study hard to catch up with school. The teachers gave lots of assignments and quizzes while I’m absent. And I’m so lost at math.”

“… I can teach you math.. If you want.”

“You’re good in math?”

“I’m not the best. But it’s my favorite subject and I think I’m quite good.”

“You like math?” Jaehyun laughed. “You’re must be 1 in a million.”

“You’re exaggerating. Math is fun once you can grab the concept.”

“The problem is I can’t grab the concept.”

“Whatever. So are you in or not?”

“Of course. I can’t miss free lesson.”

“Who says it’ll be free?”

“What?”

“I’m kidding.”

“Tsk. So how we’ll do it? I’m fine with your house. So you can do your own thing while I’m working on the problems.”

“Okay. I’m free on weekdays after 7 pm. Weekends after 3 pm. But contact me first before you come. Sometimes I have to go somewhere else too.”

“Perfect. You’re an angel, seriously.”

“So I’m not the noisy kid anymore?”

Jaehyun frowned. “Shut up, I’ve apologized.”

Jibeom laughed. 

 

November 2015. Jibeom’s Room

“Wow, I didn’t think you’ll be this bad.”

Jaehyun groaned, and dropped his head on the table. Jibeom cringed at the loud thud sound. 

“Thanks, it motivates me a lot.”

The boy hit his forehead on the table repeated times. Jibeom wanted to laugh, but he had to stop him before he bled or something.

“You’ll be more stupid if you keep hitting on your head,” Jibeom put his palm on Jaehyun’s forehead so it won’t make direct contact with the hard surface.

Jaehyun straightened up but his shoulders were still slumping. 

“What’s the use of learning this? I mean can we even apply this to our daily lives?”

“...”

“And why do we need to count these numbers manually? We have calculators! Who counts without using calculators?”

“Jaehyun, shut up and just solve the problems.”

Jaehyun sighed dramatically. Jibeom had lost count how many times he sighed. But he didn’t say any more word and quietly worked on his math problems again.

A few minutes later, they heard the front door opened followed by a faint woman voice. “Jibeomie, I’m home!”

“That’s my mom.”

“Jibeomie?” Jaehyun snickered and Jibeom pushed him away.

Jaehyun didn’t budge. “It’s so cute.. Jibeomie..”

“Shut up.”

Before they can stand up to greet Jibeom’s mom, the room door opened.

“Jibeomie, I’m sorry I’m late, have you- Oh, you have a friend here.”

“Hello auntie, I’m Bong Jaehyun, Jibeom is helping me with math.”

Jibeom saw there’s a strange expression on his mom’s face, but it only happened in a flash. 

“Bong Jaehyun? Ohh.. Yes, I see.”

His mom was smiling, but it looked like a forced one, and Jibeom swore he saw her eyes were still looking at Jaehyun with something he couldn’t pinpoint.

“Have you eaten dinner? I’ll cook something for you boys.”

“No need mom, Jaehyun ordered pizza just now.. As tutoring payment.”

“Jibeom! I didn’t raise you that way!”

His mom sent him scandalous look.

“I didn’t asked him!” Jibeom defended himself. “Jaehyun insisted.”

“It’s not a big deal, auntie. Jibeom helped a lot. We ordered 2 big portion it’ll be enough for 3 of us.”

“Ah.. I’ve actually had eaten.. But..that’s so kind of you, Jaehyun.. I.. I’ll leave you two to study.”

Jaehyun looked at him when the door’s closed. “I think your mom was very surprised to see me. But she’s very nice.”

Jibeom nodded, something is not right. His mom’s expression after he heard Jaehyun’s name was weird. It somehow made him uneasy.

 

February 2016. Jibeom’s Room

“I want to become an actor.”

Jibeom looked to his side where Jaehyun’s lying down looking absentmindedly at the ceiling. 

After processing what Jaehyun said, he let out a hmppfff

“Actor? Seriously?”

Jaehyun gave him a week glare and looked up to the ceiling again.

“I like Harry Potter since I watched the series years ago. Because of that, I want to become an actor.”

Jibeom scoffed. “That’s unexpected.”

“My dad thinks my dream is silly. I don’t want to do business, but I have no choice.”

Sensing that Jaehyun was serious, Jibeom stopped teasing the boy. It surprised him that Jaehyun suddenly told him his secret. It made him feel special. Thinking about it, Jaehyun had come to his house so often to study since a few months ago. He taught Jaehyun math, and Jaehyun taught him english. Sometimes they even do other subjects’ assignments as well. Since they attended different school, they copied each other’s works when they had similar assignments and it made the homework much lighter. Without he realized it, he and Jaehyun had become so much closer. He’s already felt comfortable around Jaehyun. Heck, they celebrated their birthdays together. He even let Jaehyun lie down on his bed after finish studying.

“No dream is silly. Every dream is precious. If no one become an actor, we can’t watch good movies because no one will act on it.”

“…”

“Being actor is good . You can make a lot of money and become famous. Girls will idolize and chase after you.”

“…”

“…”

“But I think again.. I think it won’t suit me. I’m not handsome, I get nervous in front a lot of people.. Maybe dad’s right.”

“You’re not ugly. Besides.. If you act well, people won’t bash you.”

“That’s also true.”

“…”

“…”

“I want to become a judge. Or lawyer.”

Jibeom sensed Jaehyun’s eye on him. The words slipped out from his mouth. But since Jaehyun had revealed his dream, it will be fair if he reveal his too.

“That’s a noble work.”

“Noble work if it’s done right.”

“True.”

“…”

“Is it.. Does it have relation with you disliking rich people?”

“Actually… Yeah.”

“Not all of them are bad you know.”

“They’re bad to me.”

He felt Jaehyun shifted to lie on his side, putting his full attention to him.

“They framed my dad. My dad was loyal to his company. But his boss did something illegal so police investigated it, and they put the blame on my dad. I believe his boss bribed the other employees and police too. I know not all are bad, I know I’m generalizing but I can’t help it. Some rich kids in school are also brats. Like Yoon.”

“Do you… I’m sorry, I really don’t mean anything bad but.. Are you sure he’s framed?”

Jibeom sighed. “No one will believe us. No one did.. One of my dad’s coworker confessed before he died. He said my dad was framed. He’s sacrificed to save the boss.”

“I’m so sorry, Jibeom.”

“It was extremely hard at first. People judged our family. My mom had a hard time, and my friends said I’m a criminal’s son.”

Jibeom felt his eyes stung as he spoke. But it felt like he can’t stop talking. He’s been keeping it inside his heart for a long time. No one knew. And now he’s starting to talk about it, he felt like a breaking dam. He felt Jaehyun held his arm as if trying to calm him and kept him in check. He appreciated it.

“I was only 5. My mom was only a housewife and suddenly she had to work to support both of us. She had to work hard even doing labor work, and she had to ask a grandma next door to look after me. I saw her cried almost every night.”

“When will your dad be released?”

“He died.”

“Jibeom..”

“There was commotion inside the prison years ago. Some people got hurt.. But my dad was killed.”

He didn’t realized his body was shaking until Jaehyun held him tighter. 

“My mom fainted when she heard the news. Even if we’re not doing well financially, but we held hope that once dad released from prison, we’ll work hard together. But the tiny hope vanished just like that. I didn’t even had the chance to say goodbye-“

His throat constricted, he couldn’t continue anymore. He broke down after years holding himself in. The pain formed him into a cold person. He had to be strong for his mom. He couldn’t add more weight on his mom’s shoulders. But inside, he’s just a kid. He felt like screaming for help.

In his helpless state, he felt Jaehyun embraced him in the softest way possible. Without he realized it, he hugged Jaehyun back, venting all his sadness and frustration. He clinged into Jaehyun like he’s his lifeline.

“I won’t forgive them,” He clenched his teeth in anger. “Geumdong Group.. I won’t forgive them.”

Like poured with a bucket of ice water, Jaehyun felt his body shivered.

 

February 2016. Jaehyun’s House

Jaehyun’s heart was pounding. It pounded even more when he heard his dad came home from his business trip. 

The footsteps he always liked to hear changed into a horror.

“Jaehyun!”

His dad’s voice made him jump. He turned his head to the source of the voice and greeted with his dad’s smiling face.

“Dad..”

“I miss you, son. How are you, are you healthy?”

He was soon pulled into his embrace and for a second he doubted everything. His dad was always so warm. Despite his business, he’s always there for him, replacing a mom’s warmth he’d never felt. How can this man become a monster?

He couldn’t believe it.

He couldn’t believe that his dad had ruined Jibeom’s family.

 

February 2016. Jibeom’s House

“So the lady told us to wait and Jaehyun asked ‘Can you give us chairs to sit? The nerve that kid has!”

Jibeom laughed as he retold the funny story to his mom. However, his laughter died when he saw his mom only slightly smiled while looking at him.

“Is it.. not funny?”

“Jibeom..” His mom suddenly said. “Is Jaehyun a nice kid?”

Jibeom was puzzled but he answered anyway.

“Yeah. He’s a bit weird sometimes, but he’s nice. He’s not like other rich kids.”

“Tell me more about him.”

“… Why do you want to know?”

“Because… I want to know about my son’s best friend.”

“He’s not my best friend.”

“Really? But he comes here at least twice a week and you always look happy when he’s around.”

Jibeom was silent. Was he like that? He’s happy when Jaehyun’s around?

“So?”

“Oh.. I actually don’t know much. He studies in other school and his dad owns a big company. He’s very rich you know. He said he wanted to be an actor but his dad told him to study business. He has a good life, but I pity him. He doesn’t have a mom. His mom died after gave birth to him.”

“Is that so?” She mumbled and spacing out.

His mom was acting strange. And it reminded Jibeom of her first meeting with Jaehyun.

“Mom?”

“Yes dear?”

Jibeom hesitates for a while. “I think you look strange when you saw Jaehyun. What happened?”

“Ah really? It must be your imagination, Jibeomie. There’s nothing wrong. It’s just…”

Jibeom looked at his mom expectantly.

“It’s just.. He reminds me of someone I know.”

“Really? Who?”

His mom’s face softened. “Just an old acquaintance. You don’t know him. I’m tired, Jibeomie, I’ll go to sleep don’t forget to turn off the lamp when you’re going to sleep.”

 

March 2016. In Front of Mini Mart

“Jaehyun!”

Jaehyun, still wearing school uniform, looked startled. It was funny to see how he almost jumped and tripped on his feer.. But Jibeom was not in the mood of fooling the boy. He had lost contact with Jaehyun. The boy usually texted him almost everyday, but suddenly he stopped replying Jibrom’s message. He didn’t answer his call also.

“Oh.. Jibeom..”

“Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“..Yeah..”

There’s something off with Jaehyun. It didn’t ease Jibeom’s mind at all. 

Jaehyun was always naggy and clingy.. But he suddenly put distance, he’d stopped coming by and didn’t text him. Had he done something wrong?

“Jaehyun… Has something happened?”

Jaehyun frantically his head, but it made him more suspicious. “There’s nothing wrong. I’m just… busy and have a lot in mind.”

The answer didn’t satisfy Jibeom. Instead, he’s feeling a bit hurt that Jaehyun didn’t share his worries or whatever it was to him. But before he could think further, he brushed away those thoughts. He and Jaehyun had become close but it didn’t mean Jaehyun had to share everything to him.

“Is everything okay now?”

Jaehyun nodded. It didn’t look convincing at all. Jibeom observed Jaehyun playing with the strap of his back, his soft black hair swayed gently because of wind. He looked like a lost kid.

“Do you want to come over?”

Jaehyun suddenly looked at him. His eyes expression confusion.

“We can study, or watch movie, or just sleep. Whatever you want. I’m not working today.”

Jaehyun didn’t immediately agree and suddenly Jibeom worried that his offer would be rejected. He kind of miss them spending time together.

“Yeah… Yeah that would be nice.”

“Are you sure you’re okay though? You look a bit off.” 

Jaehyun gave him a smile. “No, everything’s perfect.”

Jaehyun was the worst liar in the world, Jibeom thought.

*****

Jaehyun was extremely quiet that day. Jibeom couldn’t deny that he’s worried. But he knew better not to force Jaehyun to talk about it if the boy didn’t want to.

Jibeom peeked through his book from time to time to see the other boy. Jaehyun was on his bed, lying on his back and looking at the ceiling like he usually did. One of his hands was fiddling with his shirt. Jibeom’s shirt. He lent it because it would be more comfortable than uniform. 

It’s funny, they’re like wearing a couple shirt. It was unintentional though. Jibeom realized it once he and Jaehyun changed. Their shirts had the same picture (Batman logo in chest area) but his shirt was black and Jaehyun’s was grey. They were old shirts that he got from buy 1 get 1 sale years ago. It’s old but comfortable. Since Jaehyun didn’t say anything about their matching shirts, he also played ignorant.

“Jibeom..”

He actually let out a relief breath when Jaehyun broke the silence. The silence was too heavy. They’d spent nearly 30 minutes without talking. Not that he counted.

“Yeah?”

“Do you have best friend?”

That’s a random question.

“Not really.. But I have some good friends.”

“Hm..”

“…”

“Then what if you find out that your mom and your friend’s mom were old friends but they fought and now become enemy?”

“Is it a drama plot? This sounds like final question in miss universe.”

Jaehyun looked at him, paying full attention. 

“Just answer me.”

Whatever it is, Jibeom decided to play along. “Hmm.. That would be difficult. If I keep being friends with him, I think my mom will feel uneasy and it will certainly be weird for us to be too friendly. Like there will be a wall between us. I mean it has nothing to do with us, but to think his mom hurt my mom… and kids pay their parents’ debt right.. So.. Yeah..”

“So you’ll stop being friends with him?”

“I don’t know. It’ll all depends on the situation.. That’s a very hard question.”

“I see,” Jaehyun quietly answered.

It looked like Jaehyun was thinking hard.

“Is it something you’re facing right now? Is that what’s bugging your mind lately?”

Jaehyun looked at him deeply before turning his head away. 

“Not really.”

Jibeom bit his lips. He’s not used to see this Jaehyun. He missed the Jaehyun who threw sassy remarks. 

“You can talk to me about anything you know.”

The look Jaehyun sent him made him feel heartbroken. Like he wanted to wrap Jaehyun with blanket so he will be numb of the situation around him. Whatever was bugging Jaehyun’s mind, he hoped it will go away soon.

He stared Jaehyun right on the boy’s eyes, as if to assure the boy that he’s serious. He wanted to listen, no matter whether he can help or not, in case Jaehyun needed someone to vent out his worries.

Despite his troubled look, Jaehyun managed to crack a smile. Jibeom could only watch as Jaehyun wriggled his body closer so the boy’s lying down in fetus position beside him. Jaehyun’s head almost touched his arm.

“I consider you as my best friend, you know,” Jaehyun said without looking at him. “Like the bestest bestest ever.”

Jibeom chuckled at Jaehyun’s choice of word but he felt touched. 

Cautiously he patted Jaehyun’s head. His hair felt soft, it run smoothly between his fingers. Under his touch, Jaehyun gazed at him and their eyes met. Jibeom smiled.

“If you think so… Then you’re my best friend too.”

 

March 2016. Jaehyun’s House

“Dad… I have a best friend now.”

That’s it. He had to clarify everything. The secret had driven him crazy. It’s been months since he wanted to talk it out, but he had no courage. But he wanted to know the truth. His tongue felt bitter and dry once he finished his words.

His dad looked up from the newspaper in surprise. However, his face slowly brightened.

“Really? Is it why you often go out during weekend and go home late?”

Wordlessly, he nodded.

“So who’s the kid? Invite him to our house. I’d like to know him.”

Hi dad looked happy since he didn’t usually talking about friends or hanging out with them. Jaehyun swallowed hard.

“I… I don’t think it’s a good idea for you guys to meet.”

His dad lowered the newspaper on the table, puzzled with hia statement.

“What do you mean?”

Jaehyun clenched his fists. His heart was beating like crazy. That was it. He hoped his dad would prove him wrong. He loved his dad. He loved Jibeom. He hoped this was all misunderstanding.

“His name is Kim Jibeom..”

His heart almost felt like dropping when he saw his dad froze.

“The son of Kim Jisung, your former employee.”

Jaehyun wanted to cry. His dad’s horror expression had confirmed it all. His dad knew Kim Jisung. And his expression showed that they had something going on.

“Dad, is that true?” Jaehyun was now standing up. His whole body was shaking. “Is that true that you framed Jibeom’s dad and put his in jail to cover your dirty things??”

His dad was still in shock but the man tried to deny it.

“Jaehyun, I don’t know where you got that news, it’s not true at all.”

That’s what he wanted to hear, but his dad’s expression wasn’t convincing at all.

“Dad.. Please tell me the truth! Jibeom and his mom had a hard time. People called him criminal’s son and they both have to work hard to support the family!”

The nervousness of his dad confirmed it all. But Jaehyun needed to hear it from his own mouth.

“Did he tell you all of this?”

“He told me, but he didn’t know I’m your son.”

Jaehyun’s dad walked forward to approach his son, holding Jaehyun’s arm tightly.

“There’s misunderstanding, Jaehyun. I did not try to harm his family.”

Jaehyun looked at his dad sternly. “Are you sure, dad? Can you swear with mom’s name that it’s not true?”

He waited and waited. But there was no answer. He felt his resolution breaking as time ticking. 

“So… So it’s true?” He asked quietly. He had expected this, but he still hadn’t prepared with the pain and disappointment. He always saw his dad highly, he respected him. And now that image had shattered.

His dad lifelessly looked away.

“I trusted Kim Jisung with all my heart. He’s my best employee and friend. There was no time I don’t feel regret over what had happened.”

Jaehyun snapped. “Then why did you do that? Why??”

“It’s because of you!” His dad suddenly shouted.

Jaehyun felt his mouth sewed shut. There’s a funny feeling in his chest, like his heart’s shrinking. 

“W-what do you mean?”

“I made mistake Jaehyun-ah. But I can’t leave you alone,” Suddenly his father looked much older than usual, like he’s been having weight on his back more than he can bear. “You were still small and sick. You needed treatment. After your mom passed away.. You’re all I have, and you only had me. I have to protect you. No matter what.”

The new information hit him like a rock. 

So.. It’s because of him. He lived.. In the expense of Jibeom’s family’s happiness. 

He felt numb.

“Jaehyun..”

“You shouldn’t have done it, dad,” He shook his head. “How can you do this?”

Tears had fallen down. His chest hurt so much he tumbled on his feet.

“Jaehyun! Calm down! Breathe!”

Suddenly it was hard to breath. His chest and back stinging like being hit repeatedly with axe. It was a familiar pain, but he won’t get used to it. His vision started to spin. He saw his dad’s face. The man’s saying something, but he couldn’t catch what he’s saying. He couldn’t think of anything aside from the pain.

He let himself consumed by the darkness.

“Jaehyun!”

 

June 2016. Jibeom’s House

“Are you okay baby?”

His mom was worried, Jibeom knew, but he couldn’t keep his expression straight. Almost 4 months no news from Jaehyun. Jaehyun had acted strange and disappeared before, but not this long.

His messages was kept unread, calls left unanswered, and he really didn’t know what he did wrong. It was also where he realized he didn’t know anything about Jaehyun except from his cellphone number and his school. He lingered around Jaehyun’s school a few times, but the boy wasn’t there either.

He regretted didn’t try to know Jaehyun more.

“He still hasn’t contacted you?”

Still sullen, Jibeom nodded. “He’s like.. disappear..”

“Maybe he found new friend,” He added quietly.

It hurt him, honestly. Like he’s being thrown away. He didn’t expect to be hurt until this extent.

He felt his mom squeezed his shoulder gently. “He must has a reason, and I don’t think he abandon you. Give him some time.

Jibeom nodded but kept the matter in mind.

“I kind of miss him,” Jibeom chuckled and saw his mom sent him sympathetic look. “But don’t worry, mom, it doesn’t really matter. At least now I can have my weekend doing my own things… and maybe hang out with other friends. Adding work shift won’t be so bad either.”

“Friends come and go, but the real one won’t be replaced,” She smiled. “Just stay positive if you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I think about it many times, whether I had offended him. But I can’t think of anything. And I kind of worried something happened to him. Maybe he’s sick. You know he got sick a lot.”

His mom sighed. “Don’t think too much, Jibeomie. How about we go out together this Sunday? I’ll buy your favorite food, and maybe do some shopping?”

To think about it, it’s been a long time since he had outing with his mom. Maybe it’s a good idea. He smiled.

 

July 2016. Jibeom’s house

“Wait a moment!”

Mrs. Kim rushed towards the door. It was unusual to have guest on Sunday morning. Jibeom had part time job until afternoon, so it must not be Jibeom’s guest. Weird, she doesn’t usually have guest also.

She turned the knob, and welcomed with the person she didn’t expect to come.

“Ohh.. Jaehyun..”

“Good morning, auntie,” Jaehyun bowed.

“Jaehyun.. Jibeom is not at home, didn’t he tell you? He’ll come back before 3 though. You can go back later… Or you can stay and wait if you want.”

“I… I’m actually.. looking for you.”

“Me?”

Jaehyun nodded his head hesitantly. “Can I come in?”

“Oh sure, come in.”

Jaehyun looked at the familiar living room, suddenly feeling nostalgic even though it’s only been a few months since he stepped his foot in that house.

“Sit down, I’ll make some tea.”

She was gone before Jaehyun could say no. He sat on the sofa, waiting. Jibeom’s mom came back after a few minutes, putting a cup of hot the on the table in front of him.

“Thank you.”

Jibeom’s mom smiled, although her face can’t hide her curiosity. She looked like Jibeom, Jaehyun observed. Her mid length black hair was tied in a neat ponytail, face free from make up. She’s pretty despite the fine wrinkles formed on her face. Her white shirt and khaki pants hugged her thin body perfectly. To be honest, he often imagine his own mom to be like Jibeom’s mom. Simple but elegant.

“So what happened, Jaehyun?” She asked softly. “I heard from Jibeom you haven’t contacted him in a while.”

Slowly, Jaehyun nodded. “There are some things..”

“Is there something I can help?”

The concern tone of her voice almost put him on the edge. It was so hard.

“Jibeom is very sad, you know.”

At the mention of Jibeom’s name, he looked up. Jibeom’s mom sighed. 

“He’s wondering why you suddenly disappeared. And he’s worried whether you’re sick,” She looked at him. There’s something in her eyes. “You’re not sick right, Jaehyunie?”

 _She knew_ , Jaehyun thought. Her expression told him everything. _She knew._

“You know who I am right?” He asked back.

She was taken aback. “Jaehyun? I don’t understand..”

“You know I’m Bong Jaehyun from Geumdong Group right? You know I’m the chairman’s son right?”

His voice was shaking as he tried to hold his emotion in control. But unlike his dad, Jibeom’s mom admitted although reluctantly. 

“Yes.. I know you since you mentioned your name. And.. you look like your mom.”

“Do you know my mom?”

She nodded. “Our family was quite close even before you’re born.. Until that incident happened.”

“Then.. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What did you expect me to do, Jaehyunie?” She chuckled dryly. “You’re Jibeom’s friend. And I know you must be a special friend since Jibeom look so comfortable around you. To be honest, I pretended to not know anything. I think it’s better that way.”

Knowing he’s Jibeom special friend, Jaehyun felt warm, and pain at the same time.

“Do you hate me?”

He couldn’t help but voicing his worry. He was afraid to know the answer, but he needed to know.

“It would be lie if I say I don’t feel anything about you.”

The answer startled him. The lump in his throat grew bigger he almost couldn’t breath. But Jibeom’s mom smiled.

“But it has nothing to do with you. You’re still a kid when it happened. It wouldn’t be fair if I blame you for that also.”

Jaehyun felt a brief of relief. Only a brief.

“I’m sorry for everything, I’m so ashamed to face you like this. I really apologized for everything my dad had done.”

His tears couldn’t be contained anymore. Shame, regret, and the worst thing was he didn’t know what to do to fix it all. He was left vulnerable and scared.

He felt Jibeom’s mom sat on his side and patted his back in comforting way.

“Shh.. It’s not your fault, it’s okay. It’s okay.. It has happened, nothing can be done.”

“Jibeom will hate me. He said.. He’ll never forgive.. I.. I don’t know how to face Jibeom.”

“Is this why you cut contact with Jibeom?”

Jaehyun wiped his tears with the back of his hands and nodded. “I.. I’m afraid Jibeom will hate me.”

He looked at Jibeom’s mom as if she could give him a good solution. But she didn’t.

He knew it. Nothing can be done. There were only 3 options. Told Jibeom everything, kept quiet until Jibeom found out, or run away before Jibeom found out. He’s actually been thinking about this. All options won’t end well. He realized Jibeom deserved the truth but he didn’t think he can tell him directly face to face. He didn’t dare to imagine Jibeom’s reaction.

“I.. I’m sorry auntie, I don’t know how to do. I.. I’m thinking to go away.”

The comforting hug was gone.

“You’re going to leave?”

“You must have felt uncomfortable to know I become Jibeom’s friend,” He sniffed. “I don’t think the circumstances allow us to be friends.”

“Jaehyun,” She sighed. “You’ve been a great friend for Jibeom. In this 17 years of his life, I’ve never seen him treasure a friend like he does to you. I’m happy and thankful to you, but… I really don’t know.. I’ve always said to myself to let it go, to forget the past and start anew without regret. But I really can’t guarantee Jibeom will accept this nicely.”

She paused for a while.

“To tell you the truth.. I wish it’s not you. I wish Jibeom’s best friend is not you. Because he’ll get hurt in the end when he knows. And you too.. will get hurt.”

The truth was painful. He couldn’t rewind the time. He couldn’t go back to the past and fix everything. 

“Can I ask you for a favor, auntie?” Jaehyun asked. He had made up his mind. “Just for the last time.”

 

July 2016. Jibeom’s House

“Jibeom! Look who’s here!”

“I’m sleepy!”

“Get here now or I won’t cook for you!”

Jibeom groaned. His mom was lucky he couldn’t cook at all. Grudgingly, he got out from bed and examined his appearance in the mirror. His hair was sticking all over the place. He tried to flatten with hair for a while before he gave up. Who even bother to come during this early during holiday? He’s been waiting for this so he can rest in peace.

Still yawning, he opened his bedroom door.

His yawn stopped midway when he saw who the guest was.

“Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun looked thinner that he remembered but the boy gave him a cute nervous smile and small wave.

“Hi Jibeom.”

Finally, Jibeom screamed inside. But still there was irritation inside his heart. With quick steps, he approached Jaehyun and pushed him. It was a light push but Jaehyun staggered back, eyes widening in shock. Luckily Jibeom’s mom held his arm in reflex.

“Where have you been huh? Who do you think you are? You ignored my call and message and suddenly say ‘Hi Jibeom’ like nothing happened?”

“Jibeom! What are you doing?” His mom scolded him. “Is that how you treat your friend?”

“He didn’t treat me like a friend too!” He shouted back.

Even though he’s so relieved to see Jaehyun again, but he couldn’t help feeling angry for being abandoned.

“I’m… sorry.”

Jaehyun felt his eyes stung. He’s been imagining how will Jibeom’s reaction when he knew about his identity. The anger JIbeom showed just now probably would be nothing compared to it. But it still hurt.

There was a pregnant silence following it until Jibeom sighed. He had lost control and the sight of Jaehyun’s face made his heart ache.

“I’m going to take him to my room,” He informed his mom then dragged Jaehyun away from the living room..

Jaehyun let Jibeom dragged him away. Behind him, Jibeom’s mom gave him and encouraging nod.

Right after JIbeom closed the door, he whirled around to face the other boy.

“Care to tell me why did you suddenly disappear?”

His tone was much softer. His temper had cooled down. He only wanted explanation.

Jaehyun didn’t reply. Instead, the boy casted his stare down on the floor.

“You can tell me you know.”

He stared at Jaehyun who rubbed his nose and looked like he’s having a hard time talking. There’s a sinking feeling in his stomach. What kind of problem did Jaehyun have? He’s started to feel worry.

“Jaehyun.. What’s wrong?”

“There were some problems.”

Jibeom felt alarmed. “What problem?”

Jaehyun looked hesitating. “It’s.. family matter.”

“But… It doesn’t explain why you ignored me for months! I can’t believe you can’t spare a minute to reply my message.”

Jaehyun fiddled with his fingers, feeling nervous to talk.

“There’s something going on..” He trailed off. “I promise I’ll tell you.. But not now.”

Jibeom frowned. “What is it?”

“Not now.”

Didn’t want to argue even more, Jibeom gave up. “Okay, but you have to tell me when it’s time.”

Jaehyun nodded.

“I’m sorry, Jibeom.”

The protective feeling he had towards Jaehyun kicked in. He took Jaehyun’s wrist and dragged him to sit on his bed. Jaehyun obviously had lost so much weight. He himself sat on the rolling chair facing the other boy.

“You’re so skinny,” He commented. “Your round cheeks are gone.”

He was hoping Jaehyun to push him, to say snarky remarks, but nothing. It didn’t feel right.

“Let’s go somewhere.”

It succeeded to make Jaehyun looked up to him.

“Break is until Wednesday. We can go somewhere if you want. You decide.”

Jaehyun seemed to hesitate for a while before he finally cracked a smile.

“I can plan the vacation? And you will follow me wherever I go?”

“Hm,” Jibeom nodded. “Anywhere, as long as still inside the country.”

This time Jaehyun smiled wider, and Jibeom felt his muscles relaxing.

“Deal.”

 

July 2016. M Resort in Gangwondo

“Ahh this is so nicee.”

Jaehyun smiled as he watched Jibeom rolling on his single bed. They’ve spent their first day in vacation roaming around the city and played in the beach. The sun had set long time ago but they’ve just came back and took shower. He felt a bit sleepy, but it’s great to see Jibeom having fun. 

“It’s a nice resort,” Jibeom rolled on his stomach and looked at him. “I can tell it’s expensive. Are you sure you got your dad’s permission?”

There it goes again.

He tried to enjoy the vacation and erase all the worries inside his head. But the thought came and go in unexpected time, and every time it happened, he felt something funny on his chest. It drained him. When Jibeom mentioned his dad, he felt the unpleasant feeling doubled.

“I pay with my own saving.”

Jobeom whistled. “Your saving can afford a room in expensive resort for 3 days and 2 nights. Wow.”

“Are you happy today?” He diverted the topic as he slid down under the cover of his own bed.

Suddenly Jibeom turned serious. “It should be me who ask. This vacation is for you right?”

“But yeah, I’m happy today,” He said again when Jaehyun didn’t answer. 

“I’m happy.. If you’re happy.”

Jibeom was stunned for a few seconds before he laughed. “It sounds so corny stop it. My ears hurt.”

Jibeom made silly expression and pretending to rub his ears in distaste, making Jaehyun laughed.

“I’ll do anything for you.. my love,” Jaehyun teased, making Jibeom froze in shock.

“I can’t live without you, Jibeom, I’ll die without you.”

“Jaehyun, I swear if you say it one more time-“

“You own my heart, my soul-“

Jaehyun shrieked as Jibeom jumped into his bed and strangled him. 

“Stop reciting drama line to my face!”

Jaehyun laughed while trying to dodge Jibeom’s attack. His eyes started to water because of laughter. The bed was in a mess in seconds.

“Your ears are red,” Jaehyun breathlessly pointed out. “Admit it, you like it.”

Jibeom pulled away in instant and covered his ears. “I don’t.”

Jaehyun rolled to his side watching Jibeom checking his ears on the mirror. He laughed again at Jibeom’s face as the boy saw his ears were indeed red.

“You like corny drama lines,” He chuckled and fixing his position on the bed. “And yet you made fun of me for watching those dramas.”

When he looked at Jibeom again, the boy was watching at him with serious face. It suddenly made him flustered.

“W-what?”

His panic grew as Jibeom walked closer and laid his body on his stomach beside him. 

“Feels like it’s been a long time I saw you laughing.”

Jaehyun was stunned for a while. He turned his face away. “Is that so?”

“Jaehyun,” Jibeom tugged his arm. “Promise me you’ll never disappear again. “

If only we’re born in different family.. I’ll readily promise you this. I will contact you so often that you’ll get bored of me. 

Jaehyun met Jibeom’s sincere stare, willing nothing to see warmness from those eyes forever. Would it be the last time he see it?

Tomorrow.. Tomorrow I’ll tell you everything.

 

*****

Jaehyun felt a bit lethargic the next day because of lack of sleep. The 8 hours was torturing as he forced himself to forget everything and just sleep. He couldn’t.

Jibeom noticed his state and suggested to return to hotel to rest and go out again later for dinner.

They were halfway walking on the lobby when someone suddenly called him.

“Jaehyun.”

Both him and Jibeom stopped to see a middle age man walked approaching them. Jaehyun had vague memory of this man. He saw him somewhere but he couldn’t pinpoint it.

“You’re Bong Jaehyun, Jaeseok’s son right?”

Jaehyun felt his heart ran cold. This man knew his dad. His hands clenched into fists. He didn’t even dare to see Jibeom’s reaction. He didn’t know his dad’s name right? He needed to go away soon.

“I-I’m..”

“I’m Lee Joosung, your father’s friend. It’s been a while since we met, you probably have forgotten. You’ve grown up now! Where’s your father?” The uncle said looked around and saw Jibeom standing awkwardly beside him. Jibeom bowed politely but his eyes were full of curiosity.

“Oh, with your friend?”

He needed to go, he grabbed Jibeom’s arm. “Yes, um.. Excuse me..I-We have to..”

The uncle nodded and chuckled. “Yeah, once children grow up they’ll choose their friends over their parents. Just like my daughter.”

“Yeah, uncle, we-“

“Time surely quickly passed. You’ll inherit Geumdong Group within few years already.”

He froze. His grip on Jibeom’s arm slackened. He felt Jibeom froze as well. 

“Your father worked hard to make Geumdong become huge like now. You have big thing waiting ahead,” He tapped Jaehyun’s shoulder and smiled. “Send my regards to you father.”

For a few seconds, he could only stare at the uncle’s back walking away. His heart was beating so fast it felt like it almost jumped out from his ribcage.

“What was that?”

Jibeom’s voice was quiet but it sent chill to his spine. It wasn’t suppose to be like this.. He was going to tell Jibeom by himself. Slowly, he turned to see Jibeom.

“Jibeom..”

“You’re the son of Geumdong’s Group chairman?”

The fear increased. Jibeom’s face was dark, eyes piercing into his face.

“Jibeom, I can explain-“

“Are you?” Jibeom demanded. His voice raised but he still managed to keep his composure. Some of passerby glanced at his direction as they’re in the middle of lobby. “Tell me, Jaehyun.”

He stared at Jibeom in fear. His mouth felt clumped shut. There was so many emotion in Jibeom’s eyes. The warmth had gone. He’d lost his chance. 

“Jaehyun!”

Jibeom grasped his arm tightly it hurt. His breath quickened.

“I… I..”

The grip tightened and Jaehyun bit his lips.

“It’s.. true,” He meekly answered. 

His eyes couldn’t leave Jibeom even though he wanted too. The shock on Jibeom’s face gradually turned into anger.

“You…” Jibeom looked like he could burst out anytime. His chest moved up and down so fast like he’s just finished marathon. It scared Jaehyun. “You liar!”

“Jibeom, listen to me..”

He was about to reach Jibeom but Jibeom swatted his hand away.

“I can’t believe you do that to me.. I trust you.. But you..”

Jibeom was rambling, then suddenly he stopped and ran away towards the elevator.

“Jibeom!”

Jibeom was fast. By the time Jaehyun reached the elevator, Jibeom had disappear. Frantically, he pressed the up button. His tears had threatened to spill, making his sight blurry.

It felt like years until the next elevator arrived. He was restless, and once it stopped on his floor, he dashed out and slammed his room door opened.

Jibeom flashed him an angry stare but continued packing his own things. Jaehyun closed the door, feeling a bit relieved they’re finally in a private place. But fear was still dominating him.

“JIbeom, I’m sorry.. I was about to tell you today.”

Jibeom suddenly stopped putting clothes into his bag and lashed out.

“I’ve told you months ago! You’ve been lying to me for months Jaehyun!”

“It was hard for me too! I didn’t know how to do, I’m afraid you’ll hate me Jibeom.”

“Bullshit!”

It was his first time hearing Jibeom cursed. And the curse was directed to him. His tears rolled down on his cheeks. He immediately wiped it off.

“You must be laughing watching me being dumb-“

“I swear Jibeom, I did not!”

“I’m so stupid,” Jibeom gritted his teeth. “You’ve successfully fooled me. I thought you’re my best friend, I’m worried for you-“

“I’m so sorry for what my dad had done to your family. I.. swear if only I can change everything I will! But I can’t, Jibeom! I didn’t want to hide this, it’s killing me too! But I’m afraid to lose you-“

“So you lied!?!”

“I was going to tell you today-“

“Do you think I will still believe you after all of this??”

Jibeom shook his head before piercing Jaehyun with his stare. “I regret knowing you, Jaehyun. I regret worrying after you. I hate you, I really do!”

Jaehyun felt like being punched by an invincible force through those words. He felt himself paralyzed. His brain was empty, and suddenly he felt like strength had left his body. What he had feared the most had happened.

Jibeom threw his last item to the bag and harshly zipped it. Realizing that Jibeom was about to leave, Jaehyun finally found his strength and pulled Jibeom’s arm.

“Jibeom, please believe me, I didn’t mean to lie to you. I treasure you as my friend, I don’t want to lose you Jibeom. I swear, I can do anything you want, just.. Please forgive me.”

Jibeom tried to yank his arm away, but he was persistent. He didn’t know where did he get the strength. Maybe because he was in the edge of desperation. He clung to Jibeom’s arm, refusing to let go.

“Please, Jibeom.”

The push he got from Jibeom was so sudden and strong, he almost lost his balance. His shoulder are where Jibeom pushed him, felt like stinging. It crumbled all his determination. He didn’t dare to look at Jibeom anymore. 

“You know what.. Just do me a favor don’t ever appear in front of me anymore”

The sound of the door being slammed was like a slap on his face. The silence of the room was suffocating, and somehow Jibeom’s voice rang repeatedly in his head.

_I hate you_

_I hate you, I really do._

It’s over.

*****

_“Can I ask you for a favor, auntie. Just for the last time.”_

_“What is it? You can tell me.”_

_“Please give me some time, I’ll reveal everything to Jibeom. I don’t want to lie to Jibeom, he’s bound to know sooner and later, and I want to tell him by myself.”_

When Jibeom barged in in the middle of the night, face cold and slammed the door harshly, she knew it didn’t end well. 

Carefully, she entered his son’s room, finding Jibeom sitting on the side of his bed, hands gripping his hair tightly. She could hear Jibeom’s harsh breathing and the shaky movement of his back. She quietly sat down and patted Jibeom’s back. Still lowering his head, Jibeom turned and hugged her tightly. She still continued patting his back. No words were exchanged. She didn’t think any words would be able to console Jibeom. As she felt something wet on her shoulder, she hugged Jibeom tighetet, hoping the little gesture could bring a little comfort for his son.

She thought only time could heal his wound. He hoped Jaehyun too.. won’t get hurt too much.

 

November 2017. Jibeom’s School

Jibeom grinned. 

Finally!

His steps were light as he bid his friends goodbye and left school. He’s quite confident he did well for his CSAT. And after this, he could spend 2 months break before graduation and preparation for university. His friends asked him to hang out to arcade or amusement park, but he decided to pass. After working hard studying for almost a year, he wanted to spend his time alone lazing around in his house. He still had time to go out later. Or maybe he could just stop by a café and bought 2 cups of coffee for him and his mom, and some pastries, with student discount.

The weather had started to get cold. He tightened his jacket around his body. Two cups of hot coffee warmed his cold ands, but he hoped the coffee would still be hot when he reached home. His mom took a leave that day and they’ll have a little party to celebrate.

His steps slowed down as he passed the mini mart. Like a film rolling before his eyes, he saw him sitting on the bench with broken shoes, Yoon inside his shiny black car… And Jaehyun, with a cup of hot chocolate.

It felt like yesterday, but when did it happen again? 2 years? 3 years ago?

He felt a dull ache in his heart.

He’d been working and studying nonstop just to erase the disappointment, sadness, and regret. He tried to tire himself out that he’ll pass out right after his body hit the bed. He didn’t want to think about Jaehyun, or else he’ll hit by that painful memory.

Actually, days after he came back from Gangwondo, he started to regret for lashing out to Jaehyun. As the anger left, rationality kicked in, and the puzzle pieces started to form a clear picture.

“Do you have best friend?”

“Then what if you find out that your mom and your friend’s mom were old friends but they fought and now become enemy?”

“So you’ll stop being friends with him?”

“I consider you as my best friend, you know.”

“Like the bestest bestest ever.”

“There’s something going on..”

“I promise I’ll tell you.. But not now.”

Probably Jaehyun was sincere. Probably he’s meaning to tell him. Probably he’s really hurt because of the truth too.

He wanted to talk to him. But he couldn’t bring himself to. Besides, with the history between their families, he didn’t think he should be friend with Jaehyun. Maybe it’s just meant to be like this. Maybe it’s better this way.

When he stopped in to his house, he spotted a fancy looking working shoes resting neatly beside the shoe rack. From the model and size, it looked like a middle age man’s shoes. He wondered who it would be.

He didn’t need to wait long because as soon as he stepped in, he saw a man sitting on the couch opposite of his mom. The man was probably in his 50s, wearing nice dress shirt and blank pants. From their faces, it seemed like they’re talking about serious matter. Both of them turned their heads to look at him. Suddenly there’s a sinking feeling in his stomach.

“Jibeomie,” His mother approached him and wordlessly guided him to sit on the couch.

Still confused with what’s going on, Jibeom dropped his bag beside the couch and put the coffee and pastry on the table. He’s waiting for explanation, or maybe introduction, but both the man and his mom took their time to talk. Both looked troubled.

Finally, the man broke the silence. “You’re.. Kim Jibeom?”

Jibeom glanced at his mom who still didn’t say anything.

“Yes, it’s me… And.. you are?”

“I’m.. Jaehyun’s father.”

Something snapped inside his brain. He instantly stood up. This is the guy who harmed his father and destroyed his family.

“What do you want?” He drawled, hands clenching into fist.

“Jibeom, calm down,” His mom tugged his arm. “Listen first.”

Jaehyun’s dad looked down and sighed. He looked old and frail, but Jibeom felt anger surged within him. Still glaring at the man, Jibeom let his mom dragged him down.

He was taken aback when the man stood up and slowly lowered himself to kneel on the floor. He put his hands on his thigh and bowed his head down.

“I know I’m not in the position to ask you a favor after what I have done to your father. But as a father-“ He paused to regulate his breath. “I beg you, please meet Jaehyun.”

He felt something tugging his heart.

“Even though it’s only pretending.. Please say you forgive him. That way, he’ll be more at ease..”

It’s strange to him. Why did Jaehyun’s dad even bother to come to tell him this? Even more.. It’s been more than a year since he saw Jaehyun, nor he heard news about Jaehyun either. Before he could voice it out, Jaehyun’s dad talked again.

“Jaehyun.. doesn’t have much time.”

What?

His mom squeezed his hands.

“Doctor said, he didn’t have much time to live.”

*****

Jaehyun was sleeping when he arrived. The boy looked like he lost tons of weight compared to the last time he saw him. So many wires attached to his body, and a respirator attached to his nose, he looked like an experiment doll. A sudden surge of emotion washed over him when he saw Jaehyun’s state. He started to choke and cry.

He was overwhelmed with regret. He wiped his tears harshly. He remembered his last words to Jaehyun. What if Jaehyun really won’t see him again? He looked so fragile as if his breath could stop anytime soon. It’s to sudden, he’s not prepared for this.

“Can we talk outside?” Jaehyun’s dad suddenly said.

He saw the man’s wet eyes and wordlessly nodded. 

“Jaehyun has problem with his heart,” The man said once they’re outside, in the empty hall. “It’s genetic. Jaehyun’s mom died because of the same reason. He had to go treatment and experiencing attacks ever since he’s a kid.”

Suddenly it clicked. Jaehyun’s terrible stamina and some disappearance because sickness. 

“He’d never told me.”

“He had never told anyone, he doesn’t want pity.”

“What did the doctor say? Is there no way to save him?” His voice raised. It can’t be. Jaehyun was just 18. He couldn’t die like this

The middle age man rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Jaehyun just had his second heart transplantation a few months ago. The surgery went well, but he kept having small attacks. Doctor said since it’s genetic, nothing can be done. The treatment now is just a step to prolong his life, and make sure he’s not in pain.”

“…”

“He was fine back then, I started to hope that miracle had happened, but.. his health started deteriorate after he went to Gangwondo..”

Something pinched his heart. The cruel truth. He had cause Jaehyun to be like this.

“I don’t blame you,” The man said quietly. “If someone has to be blamed, it should be me.”

“…”

“If I didn’t do that thing to you dad, this is all won’t happen. Jibeom-ah,” Suddenly Jaehyun’s dad took his hand. “Jaehyun.. He didn’t have a lot of friends, but he said you’re his best friend. He like you a lot. And he cried so much until he fainted when he knew I harmed you dad. You can hate me all you want, but please spare Jaehyun from this. He didn’t know anything, it’s solely my fault. Please, even if he has a short time to live, even his body is sick, at least his mind is peaceful. At least… he can go in peace-“

Jaehyun’s dad started to cry, his body shook vigorously as the man tried to hold himself.

For the first time, Jibeom pitied him. For the first time, the hatred temporarily vanished. All he could see was a man in the verge of losing his only son. At least he still had his mom. This man.. If Jaehyun’s gone, he’ll have no one.

The world was not fair. Why did it have to be Jaehyun? Why should it happen to them?

He silently cried.

*****

His mom came not long after, around 8, bringing him dinner and some clothes. 

“I’m thinking probably you would want to stay,” She said. 

Jibeom appreciated it a lot. He thought he won’t leave at least until he talk to Jaehyun. Whether it’s that night, or the day after. Whenever it is, he hoped he won’t have to wait long. He told his intention to Jaehyun’s dad and the man patted his back in gratefulness. He said he didn’t do it for him, but for Jaehyun, but still, the man smiled.

The sound of clock ticking felt so loud in the quiet room. He’s taking Jaehyun’s hand and held it gently as if to tell the sleeping boy that he’s come. Every passing second made him weary. He’s impatient. He wanted to see Jaehyun opening his eyes. He wanted to hear Jaehyun’s voice. That way, he would feel relieved.

It was almost nine when he saw Jaehyun slowly opened his eyes. The boy’s eyes were fixated to the other direction and was still lost focus. Jibeom froze, but his mind was in chaos. He wanted Jaehyun to wake up. But just when Jaehyun finally woke up, he didn’t know what to do or what to say.

Jaehyun frowned and blinked a few times before he finally realized someone’s presence in the room. Jibeom felt his heartbeat increased when their eyes met. He swallowed a lump in his throat. Jaehyun’s fingers moved in his hold. 

They stared at each other for a few seconds before he realized Jaehyun’s chest started to heave. He stood up in alarm.

“Jaehyun, calm down, calm down.”

He was panic, he pressed the call button repeated times. Still no nurse come within a few seconds, he was about to go out and call a nurse, but Jaehyun squeezed his hand and refused to let go. He felt Jaehyun tugged his hand like asking him to stay.

A petite nurse suddenly came in and Jibeom immediately explained what had happened. He watched anxiously as the nurse asked Jaehyun some questions and adjust some buttons in thee machine and his IV drip.

“He’s okay, just probably shock. Talk light things so he won’t feel stressed.”

“Thank you.”

When he looked at Jaehyun again, the boy was looking at him too, eyes shedding tears.

“Shh shh,” He immediately wiped the boy’s tears with his hands. “Don’t cry.”

“My dad.. told you to come, didn’t he?”

Jaehyun’s voice was barely a whisper although it seemed like he’s using a lot of strength to talk. It scared him. There were so many things to say, but he didn’t know where to start.

“He did,” He squeezed Jaehyun’s hand again, being careful with the IV drips. “I wish I know sooner.”

“You said.. you.. you don’t want to..”

Jaehyun didn’t finish his sentence, but Jibeom knew what he was going to say. It felt like being stabbed by his own words. He felt his eyes stung again.

“I’m sorry.”

“…”

“…”

“Did dad told you to say this too?” Jaehyun’s voice shook as he tried to hold his tears.

Jibeom shook his head. “He told me that, but that’s not the reason. I was emotional, I was angry because you hid that from me. But as I think of it, if I put myself in your shoe, I can’t think of anything beside what you did. If I were you, I.. I probably did the same thing.”

“…”

“I know I should have found you sooner, but I thought.. with the thing happened with our families, it’s better of we stop contacting with each other.”

Jaehyun kept looking at him wordlessly. 

“It doesn’t mean I didn’t miss you. It doesn’t mean I didn’t regret saying I hate you.”

“Then.. why?”

“I can’t stand the idea of you.. leaving.. with the last memory of me is me saying I hate you and never want to see you again. Because.. what I feel.. Is the contrary.”

Jaehyun started to cry again.

“I’m so sorry.. For what my dad had done,” He sobbed. “You went through hard times because of him, I’m ashamed.. As your friend, I..”

“Stop, Jaehyun,” He said sternly but soft. “It’s okay.. it’s okay.. It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault, and it was stupid of me to blame you. It shouldn’t affect us, it really shouldn’t have.”

“Nothing can change the fact that I’m my dad’s son-“

“You know what,” Jibeom cut Jaehyun off. Suddenly everything became clear. Why didn’t he even have doubt before. Jaehyun was his best friend. “Despite anything, I’d rather have you as my friend than nothing at all. My dad is dead, your dad harmed my dad, so what, what will I get by unfriending you. Nothing aside that I lose one of the few people I care and I like. You bring out the best in me. I can do anything, be myself and you never makes me feel bad. I can be myself around you and be happy about it. Even in hard times, you never fail make me think that it’ll all be okay. I have you to share my worries and my pain, I.. I can’t ask for anything else. You’re my best friend, Jaehyun, and I don’t want to lose my bestest bestest friend.”

Tears rolling hard on Jaehyun’s cheeks. The boy raised of his hands, and Jibeom immediately stepped closer and leaned down to hug him. It felt so right. And Jibeom felt himself free from the chain bounding him. He had said what he wanted to say. He felt much lighter and happier. He really should have done it sooner.

When he pulled back, Jaehyun’s eyes were still shedding tears, although this time he had a smile on his face. The boy wiped his tears with his free hand like a kid.

“Thank you, Jibeom, I’m.. I feel so relieved. I’m happy.”

Jibeom smiled back despite the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He tightened his grip on Jaehyun’s hand, feeling the other holding him tight also.

“Jibeom,” Jaehyun called. 

“Hm?”

“You’re my bestest bestest friend too.”

 

January 2018. Jaehyun’s Hospital Room

“Your english score is better than my expectation.”

Jibeom grinned. “I worked very hard for this.”

“I’m proud, as your ex english tutor.”

He hummed, “You taught me better than the teachers at school.”

There was no reply. Jaehyun was looking at his exam result paper absentmindedly. Jibeom felt ache in his heart for his friend. Jaehyun must have wanted to experience the CSAT, graduation and university life. But he had to give it up because of his health. He’s much better now. He didn’t need respirator and the only thing attached to his body was an IV drip and the machine to monitor his heartbeat.

Gently, he took the paper away from Jaehyun. He replaced it with a red bean bread. Jaehyun’s eyes sparkled as he held the bread like it’s the most precious thing on earth.

“I love this!”

“I know,” Jibeom chuckled. “I’ll get you more if you get better.”

Jaehyun didn’t seem like listen to him as the boy eagerly unwrap the bread and took a big bite. Jibeom didn’t mind.

“When is you graduation?” Suddenly Jaehyun asked, mouth still munching his bread.

“February 9th.”

“I would like to come.”

Jibeom was looking for his phone inside his bag, but he stopped when he heard Jaehyun’s words. He turned around, gaze became soft.

“Then get well soon. I promise I’ll treat you something nice if you can attend my graduation.”

Jaehyun looked up. “It should be me who should give you present, silly.”

Jibeom shrugged and took a bread crumb on the corner of Jaehyun’s mouth. “Doesn’t matter as long as I’m happy.”

Jaehyun smiled. “I feel much better now, I’m positive I can go.”

Jibeom smiled too but his heart didn’t. Jaehyun may have gotten better in the last few weeks, but his condition wasn’t stable yet. He would have some small attacks and difficulties in breathing from time to time. Especially heart attack could occur anytime anywhere and could be fatal. It was why they kept Jaehyun inside the hospital. He hoped miracle would happen, he prayed for it every night.

“I’ll count that as a promise.”

 

February 8th 2017. Jaehyun’s Hospital Room

“I’ll convince them again tomorrow.”

There was a hint of irritation in Jaehyun’s voice. It saddened him.

“Jaehyun, your health is more important,” He assured the boy. “It won’t be comfortable since school will be very crowded. I’ll come here right after the ceremony ended. What about it?”

Jaehyun sighed although weakly. His condition wasn’t good in the last 3 days. They had to put respirator back. 

“You.. should celebrate with your friends.”

“My friend is here.”

Jaehyun bit his lips to hide his smile. It somehow made Jibeom smile too. 

“You should celebrate with your mom,” Jaehyun reasoned again, although his tone was happier.

“Mom can come here too.”

“Who even celebrate graduation in hospital.”

“I do.”

Jaehyun laughed. His laughter seemed strained. Suddenly Jibeom felt worried.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Jaehyun nodded but he couldn’t hide the crease on his eyebrows.

“Are you sure?”

“Just tired,” He whispered.

Jibeom exhaled. “Then sleep. I’ll be here until you’re asleep.”

Jaehyun nodded again and closed his eyes. The boy had just closed his eyes for a few seconds before he suddenly called him.

“Jibeom.”

“What?”

Jaehyun looked at him deeply like contemplating about something.

“Will you.. forgive my dad?”

Jibeom was taken aback. They hadn’t really talked about Jaehyun’s dad. He met often with the man whenever he visited Jaehyun, but they rarely talk to each other. The man bought him lunch or snacks, and Jibeom thought it was a silent form of gratitude. He hadn’t really think about it. But as Jaehyun brought the issue up, he started to think again. He had almost forgotten about what the man had done to his family. He was awkward around the man, but every time he saw Jaehyun’s dad, he only saw his friends’s dad. 

“I know it’ll be too much too ask. My dad.. doesn’t really have anyone else. And If I’m gone.. He’ll be alone-“

“Jaehyun..”

Jaehyun took Jibeom’s hand.

“My dad put your dad in jail and ended up killing him. If.. If I die, it’ll be fair isn’t it?”

Something inside Jibeom snapped.

“How could you say something like that?!”

Jaehyun flinched at his sudden loud voice, but didn’t waver.

“Even if he had done bad things, he’s still my dad.. I’m worried.. He said he did that because of me, he tried to get away from punishment because of me. If I’m gone.. Would it serve him an equal punishment? Please don’t hate him.”

“I don’t like this conversation going-“

“I swear I won’t ask anything more for you.”

“Don’t talk about dying!” He shouted and like a lamp switch, the atmosphere became tense and suddenly it’s quiet.

After controlling his breathing, Jibeom finally gave in. “I can’t guarantee I can forgive him in instant. But I’ll try. For you.”

Jaehyun looked in surprise, and soon his smile blossomed. Something in Jaehyun’s smile so innocent, so beautiful, he wanted to remember it forever. Despite his thin cheek and sunken eyes, despite his deteriorating body, there’s something in his eyes reflecting thankfulness and hope. 

People said no love can beat parents’ love for their children. Jibeom thought sometimes, children’s love can rival it. The innocent love of children towards their parents, no matter what their parents had done, just because they’re their parents. No other reason.

Jibeom swore he would try to forgive, for the sake of Jaehyun’s love to his dad.

“Thank you, Jibeom. Thank you so much.”

 

February 9th. Jibeom’s School

Jaehyun never made it to come to his graduation.

Neither he made it to celebrate his graduation.

Why God chose to take him on his graduation day, he had no idea.

His mom hugged him, he hugged Jaehyun’s dad. Between his cry, the man thanked him for being in Jaehyun’s side until the end. Miraculously, there was no hatred left when he saw the man. Only sadness.. and emptiness.

He wished he was there when Jaehyun took his last breath, but at the same time, he didn’t know whether he could handle it. Jaehyun was too young. He should have had a long path. But, maybe it’s the best. He won’t have to feel pain and sadness anymore.

One thing he regret was he doesn’t have the chance to say goodbye. There were still a lot of things he wanted to say, like how wonderful person he was. But that’s okay.. 

He’ll tell Jaehyun that, when they meet again.


End file.
